There have been a number of posts around the ’sexosphere’ recently about the issue of infidelity and adultery. Some of them have been a little judgmental. Others have been accused of glorifying it. And some have been purely exploratory in nature. It doesn’t really bother me to read the opinions of others on something that is clearly an issue for me on more than just an intellectual level. Every day, I come to terms with my choice to step outside of my marriage for sexual and emotional fulfillment. I deal with the fact that I’ve chosen not to tell my husband about that choice. How I come to terms with it, what my thought process is, my reasons, my justifications and rationalizations — none of that is really the business of anyone but me and him. I don’t choose to share my reasoning here, although I have told a few people some parts of it. One of the choices I’ve made along the way is to respect the abilities of others to make their own decisions for their own reasons, and to expect them to accord me the same respect and consideration. Generally speaking, I have found my plan to be entirely successful. I associate with people who understand that life is complex and that there are no one-size-fits-all solutions. Those people make me happy.

That’s my choice, my conscious choice, to have that kind of person in my life. My choice is about achieving happiness, not simple attention or melodrama or negativity. Does that mean I’m glorifying what I do, ignoring possible negative consequences? No, I don’t think so. Whether or not it’s obvious from this blog, I’m an analytical person. I weigh pros and cons of almost every decision (almost — there are moments when I’m completely spontaneous, thank goodness)… both for myself and for others. I’m all about risk management. Friends probably read that in much of what I write. Others… it doesn’t matter. If what I write is just entertaining, that’s good, too. That’s what I hoped for.

I write most often about the positive outcomes that have proceeded from my choices, at least some of them. I write about them because they are more important to me than the negatives, the barriers, the crises. If the bad things that happen, or that could happen, were my focus, I would write about those. No, actually, I wouldn’t write at all.

I choose personal happiness. Sure that’s selfish, even when it’s a considered choice. Is it less selfish to choose constant misery, guilt, snarling, backstabbing and masochism?  I don’t know… in my opinion, that path is not only negative, but lazy and narrow.

Look… I’m not asking here for yet another discussion of adultery or infidelity, and whether there is ever any justification for it. That’s been done elsewhere, and done well. It’s always going to come down to personal choice, and the hope that others respect that, at the very least, I’m making decisions based on information they are not privy to, decisions that I’ve put more time into than they know;  I will give those others that same consideration and respect. And I will always hope that they, too, will choose happiness, whatever that means to them.