I wish I had an extra layer or two. Or perhaps I just wish that my skin was thicker. It’s all I have to protect me, after all. I sustain injury so easily, it seems. A random unkind word can skewer me, leave me reeling in pain. Intended cruelty brings me to my knees. Words cut me, make me cry.
Imagine, then, imagine what you could do to me, you with your power, your strength, your confidence. I listen to you. I care what you think. Your opinion is not only valid… it matters. You understand me. You calm me. You make me happy.
With everything you are to me, there are far too many ways that it could all go wrong. A word here, a look there… and my protective outer layer could be shredded. If you’re the one who can make me whole, then you’re also the one who can slice me wide open.
All I can do is expose myself to you, turn my head away, offer you my fragility, my fair, untouched expanse of naked skin, and invite you to do your worst … and hope that instead, you’ll do your best.
sweet heavens, yes.
i understand that – so very very well.
you have put own feelings into words. so beautifully.
that which makes me safe and at home, is the very thing that makes me almost unbareably vulnerable. yet, like a moth to a flame, i cannot but offer up that vulnerability.
and trust.
By: rose on May 29, 2008
at 7:00 am
Yes, yes that’s it exactly.
By: Beth on May 29, 2008
at 9:56 am
Does it make us lesser people that we bleed so easily when hurt? I think it shows how sensitive we are to both our own and our lover’s needs. Who wants to be too thick-skinned to care? Nice post x
By: havingmycake on May 29, 2008
at 1:22 pm
Rose — Trust is really what it’s all about. And maintaining the ability to trust, even after it has been violated over and over.
Beth — Glad you agree.
Cake — Heck, no, not less at all. Even when it hurts, I’m proud that I’m able to be vulnerable. I think it’s brave of me (or stupid… either way).
By: Marianne on May 29, 2008
at 9:19 pm