I never said you couldn’t like her. In fact, in principle, I think you should like her, love her, fuck her, do whatever you want with her. If it makes you feel good, do it. I think you’re great. Why wouldn’t she? In fact, if she didn’t adore you, didn’t give you what you so obviously deserve, I’d be annoyed with her. How dare she? Has she no idea just how amazing you are?
Oh. She does. She wants you. Good. So she should. And while you’re with her, I’ll be with him. And maybe him, too. And oh yes, that other him. You know his words make me melt. God, we are such fucking grownups. After all the grownup fucking, you can tell me about her, what she does that makes you gasp, and I’ll tell you about what he does to make me come. And all the while, you’ll be fucking me, too, telling me you adore me, telling me how wonderful it all is. And god knows, I want you to have everything, everyone you desire. We’re so civilized, so liberal, so modern, so hot.
Here’s the problem, though. I want you to have what you want, but I want me to be what you want. Me. More than anyone. That’s the truth. I will maintain and defend your right to fuck her, a hundred hers, if that’s what you want, but behind the good-natured indulgence and self-confidence, I’ll be gritting my teeth, white-knuckling it all the way.
No. It’s even worse than that. I want to be the centre of your world, but I also want to be the centre of his world. And yes, his, too.
It’s not that I’m jealous. No. Never that (never admit that). I want you to have fun. I want you to like her. I just really, really want you to like me more.
That’s not too much to ask, is it?
I want you to like her. I just really, really want you to like me more.
:laughs:
We’re all such fucking grownups sometimes, aren’t we?
I liked this one.
By: Tom Allen on July 8, 2008
at 9:02 pm
Thanks, Tom. Isn’t it all such fun?
By: Marianne on July 8, 2008
at 9:15 pm
“It’s not that I’m jealous. No. Never that (never admit that). I want you to have fun. I want you to like her. I just really, really want you to like me more.”
I’ll never know how you say things so achingly perfectly. But I feel so lucky to be able to see and share a part of it. You amaze me.
By: Lakey on July 8, 2008
at 10:25 pm
Lol we all crave much more than we can probably actually handle… a nice take on a subject that can tear people up…
By: spounds on July 9, 2008
at 2:58 am
Well, honey, if he doesn’t like you more, then it’s time to move on. There’s only so much being tolerant and understanding one can bear
By: Z on July 9, 2008
at 6:05 am
The J word is, I think perhaps the funniest game we play with ourselves. We don’t want to carry it as part of our being, yet there it is, rearing it’s ugly, selfish face.
It’s all part of the contradiction of being a civilized human, I think- resisting the animal impulses when they offend our sensibilities, giving in to them wholly when they bring us pleasure.
By: nash on July 9, 2008
at 7:11 am
Lakey — You are really the biggest boost to my ego. I just keep being honest and saying embarrassing things, and you just keep identifying with them.
spounds — Damn right, we want more than we can handle. But isn’t it fun trying to handle it all?
Z — Good point. Really, I nauseate myself when I try to be too good and understanding.
nash — I do think there are some people who are so confident in themselves that they don’t experience much jealousy. But I am not one of those people, unfortunately, much as I try. There’s a lot to be said for giving into animal impulses, I think… whether they are perceived as positive or negative. Of course, there’s also a lot to be said for avoiding hurting anyone with those impulses.
By: Marianne on July 9, 2008
at 8:44 am
“No. It’s even worse than that. I want to be the centre of your world, but I also want to be the centre of his world. And yes, his, too.
It’s not that I’m jealous. No. Never that (never admit that). I want you to have fun. I want you to like her. I just really, really want you to like me more”
I recognise that attention ho! Excellent writing x
By: havingmycake on July 9, 2008
at 10:49 am
“Here’s the problem, though. I want you to have what you want, but I want me to be what you want. Me. More than anyone. That’s the truth. I will maintain and defend your right to fuck her, a hundred hers, if that’s what you want, but behind the good-natured indulgence and self-confidence, I’ll be gritting my teeth, white-knuckling it all the way.”
If I were as good a writer as you were, I could have written this myself
By: Bad Girl on July 9, 2008
at 11:13 am
That kind of gift requires opening oneself up to the possibility of loss. And of course, opening up the possibility of loss is also the gesture of sacrifice. What is interesting about this kind of gift is that we must maintain an unconditional love. But truly unconditional love is a meaningless love. All love is conditional. We want to give the other person the freedom to see and sleep with others. But only so far as they remain ours. Because we think that love is somehow separate from the seeing and sleeping with. But the love is the seeing and sleeping with.
By: Bryce on July 9, 2008
at 1:03 pm
oh you say it so perfectly. i so know that feeling! and i know the aching that comes with that feeling.
By: Sinful on July 9, 2008
at 1:30 pm
Cake — Damned right, fellow attention ho.
Bad Girl — What a very nice thing for you to say. And I’m glad others can identify… makes me feel less unreasonable.
Bryce — What a conundrum you have described! Is there a solution, then?
Sinful — Thank you. Another one who can identify. Yay!
By: Marianne on July 9, 2008
at 2:58 pm
I identify with every, single word. Beautifully written.
By: Kyra on July 9, 2008
at 5:20 pm
Kyra — We so often identify with each other. Thank you.
By: Marianne on July 10, 2008
at 8:27 am
I always tell him he can have whoever he wants…but not until I have had my fill of him. And I am oh such an insatiable bitch.
XX
By: A. Secret on July 10, 2008
at 6:44 pm
A.S. — Well, yes, that’s a good theory. But they don’t always ask permission.
By: Marianne on July 10, 2008
at 9:30 pm
Marianne, I don’t have words to offer you, but just sounds: mmhmm, ahh, mmm, hmm, mmm-mmh.
Yours,
.6
By: six on July 11, 2008
at 12:56 am
Fucking. Perfect.
I would quote the best parts, but everybody already did. Anyway the whole thing is great.
By: sera on July 11, 2008
at 5:57 am
Six — You made me laugh aloud. Also, you made me read your comment aloud, making all the mmhmm sounds, just to see what they sounded like. I’m a goof that way.
Sera — Thanks! That’s a great compliment.
By: Marianne on July 11, 2008
at 9:36 am
Oooooh….good to hear your Aphrodite is alive, well and totally articulate. Lovin’ her.
By: gillette on July 12, 2008
at 3:02 pm
I can so, so very much relate to this right now.
By: ms.inconspicuous on July 13, 2008
at 4:18 pm
Gillette — Glad you like her. I find her a little overwhelming at times.
Ms. I — I know you can, honey. Not an easy time for you.
By: Marianne on July 13, 2008
at 6:37 pm
See, I can totally relate.
I want exactly what I want exactly when I want it and I want you to want exactly what I want so you can give it to me.
That isn’t asking too much is it?
By: Miss Honey on July 14, 2008
at 12:02 pm
Miss Honey, you are a girl after my own heart.
By: Marianne on July 14, 2008
at 5:01 pm
Ohhhhh man do I get this. You a Laurell K Hamilton reader? You should be. Anita Blake. She has many men, but she shares with no woman. Would that us normal mortal women could get away with that.
Right there with you.
By: mmr on July 18, 2008
at 3:31 pm
Mmr — I’ve been told to read Hamilton before. Maybe it’s time I do it.
By: Marianne on July 18, 2008
at 8:17 pm
Actually, Hamilton seems to have lost control of Blake. I gave up on Hamilton several books ago. First, the typos and sentence fragments convinced me the editors had gone to sleep, then she published a thin little thing with big letters and wide margins and large line spacing to make it look like her pamphlet was an actual book. That was the last straw. Still, if Blake had been in good form throughout I’d have tried to soldier on.
Unfortunately the tough woman of the first books is gone.
I will not claim that Hamilton didn’t eventually with practice learn to write a sex scene (the fist one was so clinical it might have been a school text excerpt), and if all you want is those you can certainly find them in spades after maybe the sixth or eighth book (before which it was essentially a private detective series with supernatural monsters). But if you want good stories outside the sex scenes, you’ll sadly have to look elsewhere.
So I quit Hamilton.
On the other hand, if you WANT what she writes, she’s also got a series about a faerie princess who has to get pregnant to become heir to the throne; that series is drowning in sex. My beef: Hamilton’s sex scenes often don’t really advance the story, and seem thrown in according to a formula. (Ah, it’s been X pages, she needs to get laid again.) I like sex that fits with the characters, advances the story, makes the thing whole — if I just wanted to read Letters from Penthouse, I’d read that. Honestly, those are better, even. I can recall hot details from those years after reading them. Yum.
Heck, if you want a wide range of creative porn fiction, the net is full of it. Why bother to pay Hamilton for it?
Kim Harrison’s character Sookie Stackhouse leads a series that contains sex, vampires, werebeasts, and good stories too. The humor in it sometimes requires more brains than Hamilton ever did, but you have the brains so why worry?
Of course, if you are dying for multiple-partner scenes, Stackhouse isn’t supplying them in the existing books. She does have competing suitors, though ….
All the best,
–J
By: J on July 22, 2008
at 12:08 pm
Wow, J… thanks for the very detailed analysis and recommendation (and the compliment thrown in as well). I will take what you say into consideration next time I’m book buying, certainly.
By: Marianne on July 22, 2008
at 2:04 pm
“I want you to have fun. I want you to like her. I just really, really want you to like me more.”
For some reason, this strikes a chord. In fact, I’ve been quoting it …
By: Morpheus on August 8, 2008
at 3:27 pm
Well, of course it strikes a chord, Morpheus. Were you expecting something more original?
By: Marianne on August 9, 2008
at 12:44 pm